okay okay.

I'm okay. Really, I am. Really, okay.

With that said-- crushes suck. Love hurts. Growing pains the brains.

Nobody broke up with me, I just fell in like with a person. I say I'm not the "type", but I do want a companion. I don't fall into crushes all the time, but from time to time it's "nice" to have a distraction. Something to look forward to, and someone to look forward for-- for a change-- to wake up to a different picture.

Can I see them sleeping next to me- I like my space. Can I picture them cooking me a nice breakfast in the morning, a bottle of something on the roof, a careless joy ride, a hug from behind. A shared space, a different type of bond- I look over--still empty.

Last night, I slept on the couch. My friend and her girlfriend were in town, so I let them use my bed. Sleeping in the other room, my roommate and his boyfriend. Alone on the couch. I wasn't jealous. It just made it harder to not think about my crush and to not think about my loneliness. Failure--my attraction to this person keeps me tossing-- cold.

I'm a good guy-- that's what they all say. I'll let you decide, let me let you decide. Stop distracting me-- sorry, you don't even know what I'm thinking. I'm being unfair- relationships are supposed to be a mutual thing. So don't lead me on-- am I reading into things too deeply-- did I let my imagination get the better of me-- I can't help it, I want an answer this time. Do you like me? Or are we just going to be friends? Do I like you? Or is this teaching me what I like-

You're out there. Just not here. You're out there. Just not with me. You're out there.

I look over, still--empty. Well, at least tonight I'll have the bed to myself.